I'm not really sure what to feel right now. Happy. Sad. Relieved. Pissed off. Frustrated. Misunderstood. How about all of those at once? That pretty much sums it up.
I feel I have been truer to myself in the last year than I ever have in my whole life, yet I keep getting burned. I have now watched two friendships go down the drain. Both friends were people I had known a long time. I thought I could be completely honest with both friends but it turns out that honesty is not what everyone wants. It is what they say they want but deep down they really just want to hear what sounds good. They didn't want the truth at all. They wanted some variation of the thoughts they already had in their head. Sorry, I am not going to be that friend.
It is funny to watch the demise of a friendship. There are always things left unsaid. Neither party thinks they are to blame. Sometimes one friend will go out of their way to let the other know they are having a good time without them. The message is often mutual. Then you have the dividing of the mutual friends. The fun never stops!
I would just like to say that in such scenarios, neither party is innocent. Both parties can be blamed for something. The blame should never fall entirely on one person. I get the sense that both of my lost friends want to blame me for the entire demise.
That is unfair.
Yes, I have my faults. Yes, I made my mistakes. And yes, I can be blamed for some of the damage done. However, I should not have to shoulder all the blame. Neither of my lost friends are innocent in the undoing of our friendship yet I get the feeling they both believe they are blameless.
This debacle has taught me who my true friends are. Yes, the number is smaller than I thought but I am okay with that. Sometimes it takes several years for someone to reveal their true identity. Shame on them for feeling the need to hide it.
Since the break-up of both friendships I have noticed some not so nice behavior from my lost friends. Let me just say I am going to take the high road on that one. Karma is a bitch and they will get theirs in the end. Their sad attempts at sabotage only further reveal their real identities. I refuse to let either of them have a say in my life anymore.
Good bye old friends. Thanks for the memories. I hope you find whatever it is you thought I did not provide as a friend.
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It's hard when friendships fall apart, even if it just happens naturally over time. Like you said, it definitely teaches you who your true friends are.
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